Book: Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut
Genre: Instructional
Themes: Art, nature
Comps: The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, The Artist's Guide to Drawing Realistic Animals, How to Draw SUPER SAIYAN Aura in Sketchbook Pro
Representative quote: "A beaver was actually a large rodent. It loved water, so it built dams."
Page: 23
No audience may be more ripe for the picking than the aspiring artist. When it comes to gaining skill and developing style, there is no substitute for practice, practice, and more practice. Thus it is that the world is filled with books and videos which purport to replace the need for hundreds of hours of practice with one simple purchase of $9.99 or more. Why work when you can have someone tell you about how they worked? Why even bother reading about how someone else worked, when having the book on your bookshelf displays your artistic soul to the world at large (or at least the subset of the large world which you invite into your home, or meet while carrying said book, perhaps on the bus, in a park, or while out at lunch)?
Yes, one mustn't disregard the value of real instruction. The baby of a true student-master conference should not be thrown out with the bathwater of static, one-size-fits-all, generic advice. One can learn, in person, valuable lessons when they are targeted at specific strengths and weaknesses. But a book cannot provide such tutelage.
And yet somehow the world is full of these books. Among the throngs of bland, soulless, sucker-bait for the hopeful wannabe, some few have inevitably risen to the top. Breakfast of Champions is one of those, buoyed perhaps by the author's notorious sense of humor, or conceivably hoisted by that keen word, "Champions," which preys on the hopes of the fledgling artist.
The book itself seems to focus on animals of an aquatic nature, prime among them beavers, trout, and some unrecognized critter called a "dwayne." We did not observe it, but understand the author also has a penchant for repeatedly drawing stylized starfish, displayed as an asterisk like so: *. His other drawings are in a similar style derived from heavy ink, with thick, bold strokes, in a highly simplified fashion. Frankly, they are not good. The beaver appears sickly--furless, stricken with speckles, and befanged. Below that, a smoking candle flame (candle not depicted) is so abstract as to be nearly unintelligible. Despite its reputation, it is with a heavy heart we must designate this book as deserving to be in history's dust bin, best ignored and quickly forgotten.
Final Rating: 1/5 bookmarks.
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Ulysses - A Brief Nursery Rhyme
Book: Ulysses, by James Joyce
Genre: Children's bedtime story
Themes: rhyming, sailing, birds, bedtime
Comps: Goodnight Moon, Green Eggs and Ham, Jamberry
Representative quote: "Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer ..."
Page: 607
A venerable work that defies its age, every child should be familiar with the bedtime rhymes of Joyce's Ulysses, rightly one of the classics of the previous century, and likely for many more to come. Bedtime stories are often as flighty and faddish as their intended audience, but Ulysses belongs in a higher echelon, right at the top with Seuss and Boynton, as a timeless classic.
What amazes about this book is how much is loaded into what only amounts to 11 total lines. As economical as he is playful, Joyce packs each sentence with toddler-tickling phrases, such as "Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk's egg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad the Brightdayler," and "Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Pthailer." Yes, some of these are nonsense words, but when it comes to children, nonsense rarely fails to please.
If there is any sort of flaw--just the slightest hint of blemish--it lies in the confusing name. Why title a book after Greek epic but then pull characters from the Arabian Nights? Both are sailors; both are frequently shipwrecked and lost; both eventually come through richly. The potential parallels are strong, but go unrealized in the text.
I myself was raised on this fine work, as was my father before me and my grandfather before him, and both my children were well steeped in this verse long before they could themselves read. It is my deepest hope that one day I will be able to read the tales of Rinbad the Railer and friends to my grandchildren as well.
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks.
Genre: Children's bedtime story
Themes: rhyming, sailing, birds, bedtime
Comps: Goodnight Moon, Green Eggs and Ham, Jamberry
Representative quote: "Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer ..."
Page: 607
A venerable work that defies its age, every child should be familiar with the bedtime rhymes of Joyce's Ulysses, rightly one of the classics of the previous century, and likely for many more to come. Bedtime stories are often as flighty and faddish as their intended audience, but Ulysses belongs in a higher echelon, right at the top with Seuss and Boynton, as a timeless classic.
What amazes about this book is how much is loaded into what only amounts to 11 total lines. As economical as he is playful, Joyce packs each sentence with toddler-tickling phrases, such as "Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk's egg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad the Brightdayler," and "Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Pthailer." Yes, some of these are nonsense words, but when it comes to children, nonsense rarely fails to please.
If there is any sort of flaw--just the slightest hint of blemish--it lies in the confusing name. Why title a book after Greek epic but then pull characters from the Arabian Nights? Both are sailors; both are frequently shipwrecked and lost; both eventually come through richly. The potential parallels are strong, but go unrealized in the text.
I myself was raised on this fine work, as was my father before me and my grandfather before him, and both my children were well steeped in this verse long before they could themselves read. It is my deepest hope that one day I will be able to read the tales of Rinbad the Railer and friends to my grandchildren as well.
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Vampire$ - Legal Boilerplate for Bloodthirsty Lawyers
Book: Vampire$, by John Steakley
Genre: Legalese
Themes: copyright, content reuse, lawyers
Comps: The Berne Convention, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the Mickey Mouse Protection Act
Representative quote: "This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is purely coincidental."
Page: iv
While it's not uncommon to joke about the legal trade as being blood-drinkers of some sort or another (cannibals, leeches, mosquitoes, ticks, bedbugs, lampreys, torpedo slugs, moths, bats, demons, etc.), to title a book of legal boilerplate Vampire$--be sure to note the dollar sign in place of the S--leaves little doubt as to the author's impression of the barristerial profession.
Still, besides those few barbs, what the book contains is typical, perhaps even banal (please be sure to pronounce this buh-nahl, and not so that it rhymes with "anal"--we don't need even more jokes about what lawyers do to opposition and clients alike) legalese template material: publisher addresses, mass market printing data, registered trademarks, ornament design notes, publisher's notices (see the representative quote), and so on. It is in almost all respects so bland and unoriginal, commonplace isn't a generic enough word. Honestly, it aspires to even reach trite.
Take for example, "If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property." The book has a cover, so it wasn't stolen, and the warning is unnecessary. Contrariwise, a smart thief would remove not only the cover but also page iv, deleting any indication the book might be hot property. Regardless, it's a paradox, and as security systems go, totally pointless.
The lone exception in the entire work is an author's note at top: "This Felix is no other Felix. This Jack Crow is no other Jack Crow." How can this be, you ask? Is there really another Felix? Additionally therewithal another Jack Crow? Our tireless research department comes through: In 1984, Steakley published his first novel, Armor, which features two protagonists, named Felix and Jack Crow, respectively. To which I can only say, "Bwuhhhh?!!!?!" I mean, who does that? What sort of author, what sort of demented, tortured, creatively inspired soul, a living, breathing instance of the most imaginatively dynamic force in the universe, can write two books in a lifetime and not be able to come up with four different names in total for his four main characters, instead doubling down on two of each? That would be like your (assuming, for a second that "you" are a male, and are named George) having five sons and naming all five of them George, after yourself. Inconceivable, is what that is.
Final Rating: 4/5 bookmarks. As an example of functional legalese it is exemplary in the highest degree. Only the odd aside about an author's creative failure of nomenclature prevents this work from being a paragon of its type.
Genre: Legalese
Themes: copyright, content reuse, lawyers
Comps: The Berne Convention, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the Mickey Mouse Protection Act
Representative quote: "This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is purely coincidental."
Page: iv
While it's not uncommon to joke about the legal trade as being blood-drinkers of some sort or another (cannibals, leeches, mosquitoes, ticks, bedbugs, lampreys, torpedo slugs, moths, bats, demons, etc.), to title a book of legal boilerplate Vampire$--be sure to note the dollar sign in place of the S--leaves little doubt as to the author's impression of the barristerial profession.
Still, besides those few barbs, what the book contains is typical, perhaps even banal (please be sure to pronounce this buh-nahl, and not so that it rhymes with "anal"--we don't need even more jokes about what lawyers do to opposition and clients alike) legalese template material: publisher addresses, mass market printing data, registered trademarks, ornament design notes, publisher's notices (see the representative quote), and so on. It is in almost all respects so bland and unoriginal, commonplace isn't a generic enough word. Honestly, it aspires to even reach trite.
Take for example, "If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property." The book has a cover, so it wasn't stolen, and the warning is unnecessary. Contrariwise, a smart thief would remove not only the cover but also page iv, deleting any indication the book might be hot property. Regardless, it's a paradox, and as security systems go, totally pointless.
The lone exception in the entire work is an author's note at top: "This Felix is no other Felix. This Jack Crow is no other Jack Crow." How can this be, you ask? Is there really another Felix? Additionally therewithal another Jack Crow? Our tireless research department comes through: In 1984, Steakley published his first novel, Armor, which features two protagonists, named Felix and Jack Crow, respectively. To which I can only say, "Bwuhhhh?!!!?!" I mean, who does that? What sort of author, what sort of demented, tortured, creatively inspired soul, a living, breathing instance of the most imaginatively dynamic force in the universe, can write two books in a lifetime and not be able to come up with four different names in total for his four main characters, instead doubling down on two of each? That would be like your (assuming, for a second that "you" are a male, and are named George) having five sons and naming all five of them George, after yourself. Inconceivable, is what that is.
Final Rating: 4/5 bookmarks. As an example of functional legalese it is exemplary in the highest degree. Only the odd aside about an author's creative failure of nomenclature prevents this work from being a paragon of its type.
Monday, April 23, 2018
Animal Farm - The Genesis of a New Cult
Book: Animal Farm, by George Orwell
Genre: Religious parable
Themes: commandments, exclusivity, morality
Comps: The Torah, The Bible, The Koran, Dianetics
Representative quote: "These Seven Commandments would now be inscribed on the wall; they would form an unalterable law ..."
Page: 22
It is not often that we are presented with a religious tract aimed at founding a new faith (or cult, depending on your perspective) but Animal Farm stands as one of the top few from the twentieth century. That it is told as parable using animals--a tradition as old as Aesop in fiction, though not common in holy books--rather than speaking directly to human qua human is more unusual.
Orwell's Seven Commandments is at first glance an obvious riff on the ten commandments of Bible and Torah. The suggestion, by only requiring seven instead of the traditional ten, is that his intended faith is a simpler, no-nonsense sort of tradition. The proscription against murder ("6. No animal shall kill any other animal.") might be as universal as anything, but the restriction on alcohol may seem surprising at first, though it may be a crafty attempt to appeal to followers of Islam and Mormonism, two swiftly growing faiths that might be top targets for seeking converts.
Though the seventh commandment admirably insists that all are equal, this is perhaps mitigated by the first commandment's definition of a literal enemy. As in most faiths, this one is quick to define an in group and an out group, using proscriptions as a distinguishing trademark, tenets upon which they can plant a flag of individuality and establish their tribe. Oddly, Orwell chooses bedding ("5. No animal shall sleep in a bed.") as one of these points of distinction, something that at first glance seems an unduly harsh restriction. Only time will tell if this injunction, much like Jesus's urging his followers to give away all possessions and trust in him, will fall by the wayside or calcify into unyeilding dogma. This author's bet is on many followers providing lip service while maintaining at home the shame of a secret bed, perhaps in the form of a Murphy bed or convertible couch.
Final rating: 2/5 bookmarks. Engaging, but ultimately inadequate. Parables make for notoriously confusing source documents, and the inevitable schisms are as likely to destroy the fledgling cult entirely than to support proliferation. Also, alcohol is a way of life, and if forced to choose between my spirits and my immortal soul, I'll find a more booze-amenable faith elsewhere.
Genre: Religious parable
Themes: commandments, exclusivity, morality
Comps: The Torah, The Bible, The Koran, Dianetics
Representative quote: "These Seven Commandments would now be inscribed on the wall; they would form an unalterable law ..."
Page: 22
It is not often that we are presented with a religious tract aimed at founding a new faith (or cult, depending on your perspective) but Animal Farm stands as one of the top few from the twentieth century. That it is told as parable using animals--a tradition as old as Aesop in fiction, though not common in holy books--rather than speaking directly to human qua human is more unusual.
Orwell's Seven Commandments is at first glance an obvious riff on the ten commandments of Bible and Torah. The suggestion, by only requiring seven instead of the traditional ten, is that his intended faith is a simpler, no-nonsense sort of tradition. The proscription against murder ("6. No animal shall kill any other animal.") might be as universal as anything, but the restriction on alcohol may seem surprising at first, though it may be a crafty attempt to appeal to followers of Islam and Mormonism, two swiftly growing faiths that might be top targets for seeking converts.
Though the seventh commandment admirably insists that all are equal, this is perhaps mitigated by the first commandment's definition of a literal enemy. As in most faiths, this one is quick to define an in group and an out group, using proscriptions as a distinguishing trademark, tenets upon which they can plant a flag of individuality and establish their tribe. Oddly, Orwell chooses bedding ("5. No animal shall sleep in a bed.") as one of these points of distinction, something that at first glance seems an unduly harsh restriction. Only time will tell if this injunction, much like Jesus's urging his followers to give away all possessions and trust in him, will fall by the wayside or calcify into unyeilding dogma. This author's bet is on many followers providing lip service while maintaining at home the shame of a secret bed, perhaps in the form of a Murphy bed or convertible couch.
Final rating: 2/5 bookmarks. Engaging, but ultimately inadequate. Parables make for notoriously confusing source documents, and the inevitable schisms are as likely to destroy the fledgling cult entirely than to support proliferation. Also, alcohol is a way of life, and if forced to choose between my spirits and my immortal soul, I'll find a more booze-amenable faith elsewhere.
Monday, April 16, 2018
Fear and Loathing - A Screed on the Inefficiencies Inherent in Beauracracy
Book: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S. Thompson
Genre: absurdist fiction
Themes: bureaucracy, absurdity, the lurking threat of a controlling state
Comps: Waiting for Godot, Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Representative quote: "Be quiet, be calm, say nothing ... speak only when spoken to: name, rank, and ... affiliation, nothing else ..."
Page: 22
It is a bleak, absurd look that cuts to the heart of the machine that is modern society. Red tape engulfs, nay, smothers, all human impulses for the productive, effective, and simple, leaving only a mad lusting for what can never be achieved.
In a telling moment Raoul makes the mistake of mocking the ineffectiveness of the system, saying, "We haven't done anything yet!"
"There's somebody waiting for you," says a woman who isn't even given a name. She is an anonymous piece of the machinery, like everything else. For his candor Raoul has been threatened with the sinister presence of some man--again unnamed and this time also faceless--who lurks, waiting, in a room that is not even ready yet. The threat of punishment looms real, unabated by any suspicions that in this failed bureaucracy punishment might never actually ever come. The uncertainty is part of what hoists the existential dread to excruciating heights.
The book concludes as it opens, with Raoul standing in line with all the others. Nameless, faceless others, waiting for who knows what, destined to be standing there for who knows how long. Look upon these works, ye mortals, and linger in despair!
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks. A compelling, immersive tale from 1971 of an inevitable future that, from this late date in 2018, seems increasingly prescient. Some may say we have already realized that bleak future entirely.
Genre: absurdist fiction
Themes: bureaucracy, absurdity, the lurking threat of a controlling state
Comps: Waiting for Godot, Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Representative quote: "Be quiet, be calm, say nothing ... speak only when spoken to: name, rank, and ... affiliation, nothing else ..."
Page: 22
It is a bleak, absurd look that cuts to the heart of the machine that is modern society. Red tape engulfs, nay, smothers, all human impulses for the productive, effective, and simple, leaving only a mad lusting for what can never be achieved.
In a telling moment Raoul makes the mistake of mocking the ineffectiveness of the system, saying, "We haven't done anything yet!"
"There's somebody waiting for you," says a woman who isn't even given a name. She is an anonymous piece of the machinery, like everything else. For his candor Raoul has been threatened with the sinister presence of some man--again unnamed and this time also faceless--who lurks, waiting, in a room that is not even ready yet. The threat of punishment looms real, unabated by any suspicions that in this failed bureaucracy punishment might never actually ever come. The uncertainty is part of what hoists the existential dread to excruciating heights.
The book concludes as it opens, with Raoul standing in line with all the others. Nameless, faceless others, waiting for who knows what, destined to be standing there for who knows how long. Look upon these works, ye mortals, and linger in despair!
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks. A compelling, immersive tale from 1971 of an inevitable future that, from this late date in 2018, seems increasingly prescient. Some may say we have already realized that bleak future entirely.
Monday, April 9, 2018
Foundation - A Dated Techno-Thriller
Book: Foundation, by Isaac Asimov
Genre: Thriller
Themes: spies, technology, suspense, courtroom processional
Comps: Fleming's James Bond books, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold
Representative quote: "The recorder I have on the table,--which is a perfectly ordinary recorder to all appearances and performs its duties well--has the additional property of completely blanketing the spy beam. This is something they will not find out at once."
Page: 22
Published in 1951, just two years before Ian Fleming's debut of James Bond in Casino Royale, Asimov's Foundation falls into an unfortunate technological chasm, placed in a world where DuPont's "Better living through chemistry" (a slogan that brought us such "wonders" as fancy glass and plastics) is fifteen years old, but the height of cold-war tech has yet to develop.
Consider the following; "Avakim was carefully emptying the contents of a flat folder onto the floor. If Gall had had the stomach for it, he might have recognized Cellomet legal forms ... He might also have recognized a pocket recorder." Dry, passive, tentative. Gall feels "disheveled and wilted," and this master spy's primary desire is a "hearing with the emperor." It is a book that feels the need to posture itself as a spy thriller, when in reality what it most aspires to is probably courtroom drama. But with Perry Mason still 6 years away, Asimov fumbles, uncertain and ineffective, towards a genre and tropes that have yet to be invented.
The technology itself is laughable by today's standards. A listening device and a recording device that can jam the listening device? How original. Where are the exploding pens, the car chases ending in a button-triggered explosion, and the laser-guided anythings? I know that starting in 1950 there isn't much to go on, but even Back to the Future, written in 1985, could imagine flying cars, hoverboards, personalized advertisement, and so much more, which have yet to be realized after three decades. Surely a 1950's tech thriller could have at least envisioned a cell phone?
One can only imagine what might have come from it if Asimov was writing from the modern day, with the currently available crop of electronics, robotics, and software to pull inspiration from. If only he'd been more visionary, instead of limiting himself to the smallest of technological leaps, he could have captured the imagination of generations.
Final Rating: 1/5 bookmarks. Dated and unconvincing. Confused about whether it wants to be a courtroom drama or a thriller, and it shows. It's clear why Bond became the iconic spy character, rather than Asimov's Gaal.
Genre: Thriller
Themes: spies, technology, suspense, courtroom processional
Comps: Fleming's James Bond books, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold
Representative quote: "The recorder I have on the table,--which is a perfectly ordinary recorder to all appearances and performs its duties well--has the additional property of completely blanketing the spy beam. This is something they will not find out at once."
Page: 22
Published in 1951, just two years before Ian Fleming's debut of James Bond in Casino Royale, Asimov's Foundation falls into an unfortunate technological chasm, placed in a world where DuPont's "Better living through chemistry" (a slogan that brought us such "wonders" as fancy glass and plastics) is fifteen years old, but the height of cold-war tech has yet to develop.
Consider the following; "Avakim was carefully emptying the contents of a flat folder onto the floor. If Gall had had the stomach for it, he might have recognized Cellomet legal forms ... He might also have recognized a pocket recorder." Dry, passive, tentative. Gall feels "disheveled and wilted," and this master spy's primary desire is a "hearing with the emperor." It is a book that feels the need to posture itself as a spy thriller, when in reality what it most aspires to is probably courtroom drama. But with Perry Mason still 6 years away, Asimov fumbles, uncertain and ineffective, towards a genre and tropes that have yet to be invented.
The technology itself is laughable by today's standards. A listening device and a recording device that can jam the listening device? How original. Where are the exploding pens, the car chases ending in a button-triggered explosion, and the laser-guided anythings? I know that starting in 1950 there isn't much to go on, but even Back to the Future, written in 1985, could imagine flying cars, hoverboards, personalized advertisement, and so much more, which have yet to be realized after three decades. Surely a 1950's tech thriller could have at least envisioned a cell phone?
One can only imagine what might have come from it if Asimov was writing from the modern day, with the currently available crop of electronics, robotics, and software to pull inspiration from. If only he'd been more visionary, instead of limiting himself to the smallest of technological leaps, he could have captured the imagination of generations.
Final Rating: 1/5 bookmarks. Dated and unconvincing. Confused about whether it wants to be a courtroom drama or a thriller, and it shows. It's clear why Bond became the iconic spy character, rather than Asimov's Gaal.
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