Book: Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut
Genre: Instructional
Themes: Art, nature
Comps: The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, The Artist's Guide to Drawing Realistic Animals, How to Draw SUPER SAIYAN Aura in Sketchbook Pro
Representative quote: "A beaver was actually a large rodent. It loved water, so it built dams."
Page: 23
No audience may be more ripe for the picking than the aspiring artist. When it comes to gaining skill and developing style, there is no substitute for practice, practice, and more practice. Thus it is that the world is filled with books and videos which purport to replace the need for hundreds of hours of practice with one simple purchase of $9.99 or more. Why work when you can have someone tell you about how they worked? Why even bother reading about how someone else worked, when having the book on your bookshelf displays your artistic soul to the world at large (or at least the subset of the large world which you invite into your home, or meet while carrying said book, perhaps on the bus, in a park, or while out at lunch)?
Yes, one mustn't disregard the value of real instruction. The baby of a true student-master conference should not be thrown out with the bathwater of static, one-size-fits-all, generic advice. One can learn, in person, valuable lessons when they are targeted at specific strengths and weaknesses. But a book cannot provide such tutelage.
And yet somehow the world is full of these books. Among the throngs of bland, soulless, sucker-bait for the hopeful wannabe, some few have inevitably risen to the top. Breakfast of Champions is one of those, buoyed perhaps by the author's notorious sense of humor, or conceivably hoisted by that keen word, "Champions," which preys on the hopes of the fledgling artist.
The book itself seems to focus on animals of an aquatic nature, prime among them beavers, trout, and some unrecognized critter called a "dwayne." We did not observe it, but understand the author also has a penchant for repeatedly drawing stylized starfish, displayed as an asterisk like so: *. His other drawings are in a similar style derived from heavy ink, with thick, bold strokes, in a highly simplified fashion. Frankly, they are not good. The beaver appears sickly--furless, stricken with speckles, and befanged. Below that, a smoking candle flame (candle not depicted) is so abstract as to be nearly unintelligible. Despite its reputation, it is with a heavy heart we must designate this book as deserving to be in history's dust bin, best ignored and quickly forgotten.
Final Rating: 1/5 bookmarks.
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Ulysses - A Brief Nursery Rhyme
Book: Ulysses, by James Joyce
Genre: Children's bedtime story
Themes: rhyming, sailing, birds, bedtime
Comps: Goodnight Moon, Green Eggs and Ham, Jamberry
Representative quote: "Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer ..."
Page: 607
A venerable work that defies its age, every child should be familiar with the bedtime rhymes of Joyce's Ulysses, rightly one of the classics of the previous century, and likely for many more to come. Bedtime stories are often as flighty and faddish as their intended audience, but Ulysses belongs in a higher echelon, right at the top with Seuss and Boynton, as a timeless classic.
What amazes about this book is how much is loaded into what only amounts to 11 total lines. As economical as he is playful, Joyce packs each sentence with toddler-tickling phrases, such as "Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk's egg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad the Brightdayler," and "Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Pthailer." Yes, some of these are nonsense words, but when it comes to children, nonsense rarely fails to please.
If there is any sort of flaw--just the slightest hint of blemish--it lies in the confusing name. Why title a book after Greek epic but then pull characters from the Arabian Nights? Both are sailors; both are frequently shipwrecked and lost; both eventually come through richly. The potential parallels are strong, but go unrealized in the text.
I myself was raised on this fine work, as was my father before me and my grandfather before him, and both my children were well steeped in this verse long before they could themselves read. It is my deepest hope that one day I will be able to read the tales of Rinbad the Railer and friends to my grandchildren as well.
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks.
Genre: Children's bedtime story
Themes: rhyming, sailing, birds, bedtime
Comps: Goodnight Moon, Green Eggs and Ham, Jamberry
Representative quote: "Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer ..."
Page: 607
A venerable work that defies its age, every child should be familiar with the bedtime rhymes of Joyce's Ulysses, rightly one of the classics of the previous century, and likely for many more to come. Bedtime stories are often as flighty and faddish as their intended audience, but Ulysses belongs in a higher echelon, right at the top with Seuss and Boynton, as a timeless classic.
What amazes about this book is how much is loaded into what only amounts to 11 total lines. As economical as he is playful, Joyce packs each sentence with toddler-tickling phrases, such as "Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk's egg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad the Brightdayler," and "Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Pthailer." Yes, some of these are nonsense words, but when it comes to children, nonsense rarely fails to please.
If there is any sort of flaw--just the slightest hint of blemish--it lies in the confusing name. Why title a book after Greek epic but then pull characters from the Arabian Nights? Both are sailors; both are frequently shipwrecked and lost; both eventually come through richly. The potential parallels are strong, but go unrealized in the text.
I myself was raised on this fine work, as was my father before me and my grandfather before him, and both my children were well steeped in this verse long before they could themselves read. It is my deepest hope that one day I will be able to read the tales of Rinbad the Railer and friends to my grandchildren as well.
Final Rating: 5/5 bookmarks.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Vampire$ - Legal Boilerplate for Bloodthirsty Lawyers
Book: Vampire$, by John Steakley
Genre: Legalese
Themes: copyright, content reuse, lawyers
Comps: The Berne Convention, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the Mickey Mouse Protection Act
Representative quote: "This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is purely coincidental."
Page: iv
While it's not uncommon to joke about the legal trade as being blood-drinkers of some sort or another (cannibals, leeches, mosquitoes, ticks, bedbugs, lampreys, torpedo slugs, moths, bats, demons, etc.), to title a book of legal boilerplate Vampire$--be sure to note the dollar sign in place of the S--leaves little doubt as to the author's impression of the barristerial profession.
Still, besides those few barbs, what the book contains is typical, perhaps even banal (please be sure to pronounce this buh-nahl, and not so that it rhymes with "anal"--we don't need even more jokes about what lawyers do to opposition and clients alike) legalese template material: publisher addresses, mass market printing data, registered trademarks, ornament design notes, publisher's notices (see the representative quote), and so on. It is in almost all respects so bland and unoriginal, commonplace isn't a generic enough word. Honestly, it aspires to even reach trite.
Take for example, "If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property." The book has a cover, so it wasn't stolen, and the warning is unnecessary. Contrariwise, a smart thief would remove not only the cover but also page iv, deleting any indication the book might be hot property. Regardless, it's a paradox, and as security systems go, totally pointless.
The lone exception in the entire work is an author's note at top: "This Felix is no other Felix. This Jack Crow is no other Jack Crow." How can this be, you ask? Is there really another Felix? Additionally therewithal another Jack Crow? Our tireless research department comes through: In 1984, Steakley published his first novel, Armor, which features two protagonists, named Felix and Jack Crow, respectively. To which I can only say, "Bwuhhhh?!!!?!" I mean, who does that? What sort of author, what sort of demented, tortured, creatively inspired soul, a living, breathing instance of the most imaginatively dynamic force in the universe, can write two books in a lifetime and not be able to come up with four different names in total for his four main characters, instead doubling down on two of each? That would be like your (assuming, for a second that "you" are a male, and are named George) having five sons and naming all five of them George, after yourself. Inconceivable, is what that is.
Final Rating: 4/5 bookmarks. As an example of functional legalese it is exemplary in the highest degree. Only the odd aside about an author's creative failure of nomenclature prevents this work from being a paragon of its type.
Genre: Legalese
Themes: copyright, content reuse, lawyers
Comps: The Berne Convention, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the Mickey Mouse Protection Act
Representative quote: "This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is purely coincidental."
Page: iv
While it's not uncommon to joke about the legal trade as being blood-drinkers of some sort or another (cannibals, leeches, mosquitoes, ticks, bedbugs, lampreys, torpedo slugs, moths, bats, demons, etc.), to title a book of legal boilerplate Vampire$--be sure to note the dollar sign in place of the S--leaves little doubt as to the author's impression of the barristerial profession.
Still, besides those few barbs, what the book contains is typical, perhaps even banal (please be sure to pronounce this buh-nahl, and not so that it rhymes with "anal"--we don't need even more jokes about what lawyers do to opposition and clients alike) legalese template material: publisher addresses, mass market printing data, registered trademarks, ornament design notes, publisher's notices (see the representative quote), and so on. It is in almost all respects so bland and unoriginal, commonplace isn't a generic enough word. Honestly, it aspires to even reach trite.
Take for example, "If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property." The book has a cover, so it wasn't stolen, and the warning is unnecessary. Contrariwise, a smart thief would remove not only the cover but also page iv, deleting any indication the book might be hot property. Regardless, it's a paradox, and as security systems go, totally pointless.
The lone exception in the entire work is an author's note at top: "This Felix is no other Felix. This Jack Crow is no other Jack Crow." How can this be, you ask? Is there really another Felix? Additionally therewithal another Jack Crow? Our tireless research department comes through: In 1984, Steakley published his first novel, Armor, which features two protagonists, named Felix and Jack Crow, respectively. To which I can only say, "Bwuhhhh?!!!?!" I mean, who does that? What sort of author, what sort of demented, tortured, creatively inspired soul, a living, breathing instance of the most imaginatively dynamic force in the universe, can write two books in a lifetime and not be able to come up with four different names in total for his four main characters, instead doubling down on two of each? That would be like your (assuming, for a second that "you" are a male, and are named George) having five sons and naming all five of them George, after yourself. Inconceivable, is what that is.
Final Rating: 4/5 bookmarks. As an example of functional legalese it is exemplary in the highest degree. Only the odd aside about an author's creative failure of nomenclature prevents this work from being a paragon of its type.
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